French garlic bread? That’s a pain

OUR tale about the delightful culinary concoctions of France reminds Daniel McColgan from Bishopbriggs of a visit he made to a Paris bistro in the late 1980s.

When he asked for garlic bread, the waiter stared at him blankly. After an explanation was offered in Daniel’s best poor French, the waiter brought a baguette, a garlic clove and some butter.

“DIY at its finest,” says Daniel.


WE recently mentioned that in the World Cup the mighty Australian team (including at least one Scots-born kickyball king) were sadly blootered out of the tournament.

Now Sid Leslie from Kirkintilloch brings us even more doom and gloom (with a little bit of boom) from Down Under.

“The man who invented the boomerang grenade has died,” he tells us.

Just chillin’

AS the woeful weather continues to wither and shiver the pink-nosed population of Scotland, reader Beverley Lennon tells us of her 12-year-old daughter, who asked mum why such wintry conditions are referred to as a cold “snap”.

“Because it’s the exact opposite of a summer break,” explained mum.

Hard times, continued

BRACE yourself for a bracing blizzard of black humour, for our caustic team of contributors continue to bemoan the economic End Times that have descended upon our poverty-stricken nation.

Says reader Donna Brammer: “You can tell that times are tough this Christmas, because when I opened the door of my Advent calendar, there was a bailiff.”

Fighting talk

WE continue our painful analysis of the nation’s economic woes. Reader Graham Irwin has been studying the changing face of the high street over the last year, and isn’t exactly delighted with what he’s witnessing.

“It’s all very grim and downmarket,” he says. “Every other shop is either a nail bar, a pasty shop or a chippy.”

Graham now fears that in the future there will be a bloody territorial high street war between Greggs, the Blue Lagoon and an infantry of nail bars.

“The nail bars will be best prepared for this terrible skirmish,” he adds. “They’ve already got their claws out.”

Naughty nibbles

OUR mention of those condom vending machines that are sometimes found in public toilets reminds Harold Mann of the first one he encountered, which was in a remote Highland hostelry.

Says Harold: “Someone had scrawled on the machine, ‘this chewing gum is rubbish’.”

Egg-cellent idea

AMBITIOUS reader Terry Clark has decided to enter a conceptual art contest, and will be building a giant egg made out of concrete.

“That’ll take some beating,” he boasts.

Read more from the Diary: A peerless case for the House of Lords

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