THE Diary’s crack troop of investigative reporters have spent the last few days unearthing those bizarre and brazenly bonkers stories that only seem to occur in the magical weeks revolving round Christmas and New Year.
We shone a light on the strange case of the wandering emu in Livingston. Then there was a sighting of Santa, merrily riding the statue of Wellington’s horse in Glasgow.
Today, a reader sends us photographic evidence of a chap who took an owl for a drink in a Paisley hostelry.
Or was it an owl who took a chap for a drink?
Probably not. Owls may be exceedingly wise, though they rarely carry a wallet about their person, which makes it almost impossible for them to pay for their round at the boozer.
MORE pub chat. Glasgow comedian Leo Kearse was on a TV show with fellow humourist Simon Evans. Simon was bemoaning the fact he couldn’t enjoy a snack in a tavern he visited as the kitchen was closed.
With a sigh, he added that not even a Scotch egg was for sale.
“Sort of relieved you couldn’t have a Scotch egg,” replied Leo, “because that’s where the next generation of Scotsmen will hatch from.”
Food for thought
WE mentioned that in some quarters a buffet meal is known as a “picky tea”. Reader Debbie Meehan tells us her family called this style of dining “a kick at the cat and a run round the table”.
“I’ve no idea why,” adds Debbie. “We didn’t even have a cat.”
NOW is the time for the spoiled youth of our nation to wallow in all those expensive gifts they accumulated on Saturday. Though Glasgow radio presenter Amber Zoe points out that fun isn’t necessarily something that has to be purchased from a toy shop.
“After all the money spent on children,” she says, “I’ve just witnessed two boys having a burping competition sitting on the pavement.”
The numbers racket
A MATHEMATICALLY minded reader recently informed us that 4/3 of people don’t understand fractions.
“I say that’s improper,” argues Brian Logan, from Glasgow.
Queen of clubs
THE festive season continues, though our politicians have advised us to dial down the delirious celebrations.
“The Queen should lead by example,” demands Stevie Campbell, from Hamilton, “by staying away from nightclubs for the next few weeks.”
“TODAY I made my New Year’s resolution to stop doing everything a few days too early,” says reader Jennifer Miller.